Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.
Morbo will now introduce tonight’s candidates… PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo’s good friend, Richard Nixon. Also Zoidberg. Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be…
I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there! If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right. We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home.
No, I’m Santa Claus!
For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in.
- Look, last night was a mistake.
- Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men.
- You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me!
Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here.
Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Shut up and take my money! Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
- Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?
- In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.
- Guess again.
Throw her in the brig. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. Hey, what kinda party is this? There’s no booze and only one hooker.
Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? Soon enough. Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by “devil”, I mean Robot Devil. And by “metaphorically”, I mean get your coat.
You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr.
It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn’t make sense. But, okay! I love you, buddy! Good news, everyone! I’ve taught the toaster to feel love!
I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me.
I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.
Well, then good news! It’s a suppository. And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.
Yeah, and if you were the pope they’d be all, “Straighten your pope hat.” And “Put on your good vestments.” OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Take me to your leader! We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home. If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right.
For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You are the last hope of the universe. Bender?! You stole the atom. Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!
Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Meh. I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.